Like boss, like team leader: Contador arrives at press conference

In a press conference that will have shocked nobody to the bone, Alberto Contador sat down along side team-manager and former performance enhanced doping pin-king, Bjarne Riis, and revealed the mind shaking news that he is in fact innocent of the doping violation for which he was found guilty on Monday. Contador was banned for two years but due to the back dating of the ban, he’ll actually be available to ride come August 5 of this year. “The way I feel right now is deceived,” he sobbed before assorted hacks, and a handful of his mates who had gathered at the back to roundly applaud him.

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It was pointed out to The Cycle Seen this afternoon that Lance Armstrong finished third in the 2009 Tour de France as opposed to the 2010 Tour as mentioned in this article. It kind of negates the point of the article, but I felt that for the sake of good fun I’d leave it up anyway if you can stretch your imagination to believe that Armstrong’s third place (now second and as below will reveal, soon to be first) did in fact come in 2010. I mean, you won’t take it seriously anyway . . . we all know it requires 88 miles-per-hour to engage the flux capacitor). — Ed.

You wouldn’t believe were one of these can take you when fitted to your seat pin

The Cycle Seen has climbed onto it’s bike with a flux capacitor fitted to the seat pin and sped down the steepest hill in sight to a speed of 88 km/h (yes I know it’s only kilometers) and blasted forward twelve months into an uncertain future. Here’s what we found leading the way on this very website…

In a phenomenal turn of events, 2012 Tour de France runner-up, Andy Schleck, has admitted he used performance enhancing drugs through the early part of his career up to and including the 2010 Tour de France of which he was elevated to winner of just twelve months ago when Alberto Contador was found guilty by the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) of ingesting the banned substance Clenbuterol. As a result, the UCI have stripped him of that Tour win and awarded it to the man who originally finished third, but who is now the eight time winner of the Tour, Lance Armstrong.

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It’s been a good day for anti-doping as this morning the tortoise in the relay race in the case against Alberto Contador that has seen the baton pass from the UCI to WADA to the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) finally crossed the finishing line with a decision on the guilt of the beef eating Spaniard. The hammer of justice came thumping down with a “guilty, guilty, guilty” verdict and a two year ban, which by the mathematical calculations of CAS, expires on August 5th, of this year.

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When Francesco Schettino, the captain of the doomed Costa Concordia claimed that he “tripped and fell into a life boat” which took off before he had the chance to get out, his excuse went down in history as the second worst/best (depending on how you look at it) excuse of all time behind only that of Alberto Contador who once claimed his positive test for the banned substance Clenbuterol was the work of a tainted piece of meat he eat during a Tour de France rest day.

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